My favorite photo from Kensington Palace’s Life Through a Royal Lens exhibition. It’s Classic Margo to me. Snapped by her husband, Lord Snowdon.
Hiya babe; normally I’d ask if you’re alright but that seems like a real joke of a question considering, well, everything! I’m currently writing from an airport lounge in Copenhagen where I am currently enjoying as much free wine and sparkling water as possible before my flight back to London, where I am currently living. The rumors are true, I’ve switched baristas. Candidly, I’m really happy about it.
But surprise! I’m also fucking furious about the clownery happening back at “home.” I don’t know what to say right now other than fuck the Supreme Court, fuck the police, fuck everyone who voted for Tr*mp and fuck anyone who claims to be pro-life yet does everything in their power to make life unbearable. Pro-life where? The hypocrisy is infuriating. I don’t necessarily feel “embarrassed” to be American in the UK, because a) England is the actual birthplace of colonialism and b) I’m fucking oppressed everywhere. Like what do I have to be embarrassed about? I’m just trying to thrive in a world that doesn’t want me to, idk idk. It’s all giving “these are the nastiest people I’ve ever met, I’ve been to Jupiter, Pluto, Mars…very fine people. But EARTH?!” So whenever I’m asked about the States it’s more of an “I don’t know her” situation, because I really don’t feel like I do. Then I say I’m from California and the mood lifts and we talk about weather and weed.
That being said, I’m mostly getting queries from people who used to know me: why, when, who, which?? But what are you doing there? For how long? How can you afford it? fkfkjrutyeuddisyf?!?! Answers vary depending on how heavily I fuck with you, but they’re all true. Generally I say I’m just vibing because that’s the tea, but sometimes I just ask if it’s okay with them that I had a dream and saw it through. Like sorry I put a Union Jack on my vision board six years ago? My dog died, yet I’m still here and just trying to make it without her while blinded by grief, is that cool?
I was functioning fine in San Francisco, which is to say I wasn’t dying but I wasn’t living, if you know what I mean. Most of my adult life revolved around Carrie, and without her it didn’t much feel like home. Most days *~mY LoNeLiNeSs iS KiLLiNg mE~* but overall London is truly and honestly amazing. It’s been fun and exciting and stressful and exhausting and all of the emotions you can subscribe to any big new adventure.
I experienced the Platinum Jubilee jubilation (and got a glimpse of Meghan Thee Markle), bought a Victoria Beckham dress and have spent lots of time in Hyde Park. I took the train to Paris to spend time with Annie. I have a local pub and feel quite comfortable biking on the opposite side of the road. That being said, I cry at least one (1) time per calendar day. Isn’t it wild how depression and anxiety follow you everywhere? Carry-on or checked, her baggage is getting on the plane regardless! The biggest thing I’ve discovered living abroad is that everything is something. Making appointments, using mobile data. There can be three steps for something that would be one in your native land. But you also realize how much everyone, everywhere, is just trying to get by and live a cute life with little to no drama.
Alas, I am still here gaslighting, gatekeeping, girlbossing my way through life as best I can. You won’t break my soul! The Warriors won, Beyoncé is back and I have a brand new squishy, amazing baby niece whom I love dearly. She really is everything! I was in the market for a cuddly new best friend and Theo has truly delivered; she inherited my gassiness, love of sleep, and unusually long toes. Proof of how much she loves me is below. If you see my chipped manicure, no you don’t.
She is perfect. I have no notes!
Currently keeping me afloat:
The American Girl™ in line at Kensington Palace who told her friend, “London has provided more serotonin than my antidepressants.”
Linking up with good friends and swapping war stories with former coworkers.
The one and only Miss Peppermint, who I was lucky enough to interview for W Mag. She is such an incredible performer and inspiration for the trans community and allies alike. It was a joy to speak with her, and it took everything in me not to ask “But is it fashion?”
Three direct quotes from living with Danny: “Are you just out here watching Showgirls, organically?” “I love your TV habits, there’s so much murder,” and “It’s a Little Caesar’s day.” I miss our shenanigans!
Donating and fundraising for Planned Parenthood. I got an abortion there at 19, and quite frankly never looked back. This will be brand new information for most people. I don’t talk about it much because it’s nobody’s fucking business(!) and that’s the entire point of reproductive freedom; being able to make safe, private choices about your own body without anyone else (specifically old white men) controlling how and when you do it. If it weren’t for those lovely ladies down at the PP, I wouldn’t be where I am today (wherever that is!). So I will always salute, support and ride for that organization. I hope you’ll give them some coins if you haven’t already.
Please be kind to yourself. Rest is a form of resistance (especially for POC), so take the time you need to zone out, unplug and grieve as we fight the power. Until next time <3
I love these, truly. A gift in my inbox.
Amazingly written! Proud of you for living your dream(s) out! I also sang the Britney part out in my head while reading it. <3